Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize