I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
