why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
