Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
