I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize