I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
