Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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