i just wanna soil my oats bro
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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