He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
