I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Shame is for Republicans.
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