Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
