let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
