But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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