I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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