The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
