the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
