Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
