Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
