Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
