Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
