And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All the doctor said was why
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
