Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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