if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
