1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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