my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
