super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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