Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
