youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
