no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
