i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
