that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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