yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
