And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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