if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize