I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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