the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
