Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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