I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
