I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
