I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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