i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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