I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
