I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
