She went from zero to smokin in five shots
operation have a gay friend backfired
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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