i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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