So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
