I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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