super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
