had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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