You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
