I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
