Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm passing your future prison.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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