I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
