so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i believe in u and ur pee
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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