she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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