i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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