nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
