What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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