Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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