as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
