She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
