You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
