i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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