i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
