We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
