So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize