i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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