Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
