do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize