Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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