but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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