I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
